Well, the doctor’s gave me a 50% chance of still being here if I proceeded with the transplant and I guess all went according to plan because I’m still here!!
I never doubt, I am one of the lucky ones. When I was first diagnosed with MDS and told I would need to get a bone marrow transplant, I started looking on the Internet for other people who went through with the procedure. Other stories did not have as happy of an ending as mine. So if you come across my blog – HAVE HOPE!!!
I am truly blessed to still be here with my family. My life is totally different from what it was before I was diagnosed but I see that as an opportunity to look at what is truly important in life and live each day to the fullest.
I did try return to work but I’m struggling with chronic fatigue. Not everyone has this condition and perhaps in time it will pass for me as well. It may also have been the anxiety and depression that seemed to appear right after I passed my 1 year anniversary. The struggle with “What now?”. It’s like cancer walks into your life and pulls the carpet out from under you. You fall into this deep dark hole and you have to make a decision to stay in that hole or climb back out.
A friend of mine recently discovered she would have to receive chemotherapy treatment. While we sat and had coffee one day, I reminded her that yes, cancer sucks! It’s ok to be sad and angry and frustrated with life. The question that comes into everyone’s mind – “WHY ME?” What did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me?
The only control you really have right now is, how are you going to react to your situation. If you let cancer control you, it’s already won. Or are you going to take control of cancer and face this BS head on. If this is the end, do you want the last of your days to be in misery? Or living the best damn possible life you can? Wake up each day like it’s going to be your last and don’t let anything stop you.
While some days still suck, and my major accomplishments in life include cooking dinner, trying to keep a clean house and doing laundry… (most days, I still struggle), I’m one of the lucky mom’s that get to attend my daughter’s school functions and take her off the bus every day. I work on my blog when I have the energy – because I love it, not because I have to. Every day I make a conscience decision to do things because I want to. I’ve learned very quickly to say no so that I have time in life for things that truly matter. You would not believe the number of times I catch myself staring up at the beautiful blue sky and thinking how truly amazing life is.
If you find this blog because you are traveling down the same path I once traveled, have faith and stay strong. It’s going to be a tough battle. Be prepared for change. Keep an open mind because sometimes the best things happen after the biggest storms. It’s all about how you look at your life.